


Lonely Struggle

by QueenOfKinks



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, One Night Stands, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rough Sex, Slow Build, Smut, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-23 19:57:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13795167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfKinks/pseuds/QueenOfKinks
Summary: You lose your one family member left in this world and don't see a need to go on, but will Daryl be your reason to stay or will you just be left alone again?





	1. The beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this first chapter is so long and Daryl isn't even mentioned yet. The next chapter will focus on yours and Daryl's relationship. Also this is my first story on here so sorry if it isn't that good. Please let me know what you think

You don't know how long you and your brother had been out there on your own. You both were so desperate for food and especially water when you arrived at the gates of Alexandria. You more so than your brother. You always looked after him made sure he got to eat and drink first since he was younger than you. He was all you had left after all, and you couldn't go on if you lost him.

Finding Alexandria was the best thing to happen to you guys since the outbreak. Everyone was so welcoming and you finally felt safe. You could breathe and sleep again without worry for you and your brother's safety. He was able to make friends with the teens, and you fit in with the adults quite well despite you being only 20. You were just happy to have a home again.

Happiness doesn't last forever though especially in this world.

You still remember the screams from your brother as he died. It was supposed to just be a simple supply run. Your brother had joined you guys that day despite you not wanting him out there again. But Aiden had already given him the okay before you had a chance to say anything. You didn't want to argue though I mean you guys had survived since the beginning of the outbreak with just the two of you a short supply run wouldn't hurt.

You guys had almost finished clearing out an old mini Mart of what was still useful. Your brother was taking his things back to the car to wait for the rest of you. No one was worried since no one heard the walkers nearby and the store was clear. So no expected the gunshots and screaming a few seconds after your brother left outside. You were the first to run out to see a small herd had appeared since you guys were in the store and to see they had gotten to your brother. 

You screamed and started running to help him when one of the guys pulled you back and started dragging you to the car.

"I can't leave him let me go I have to help him!" you shouted still trying to get to your brother.

"There's too many he's already gone get in the car!" Aiden yelled back.

You kept fighting them still trying to reach your brother. You watched as they tore him apart you knew there was no saving him but you didn't want to be here without him. 

You had cried all the way back to Alexandria that day. Too tired and upset to keep crying once you got there.

You ignored everyone and headed straight to your house. Which now was all too empty without your brother here. You locked the door and headed upstairs to go to bed. You didn't have the energy to deal with anybody right now especially Aiden who kept trying to apologize.

You stayed in your house for a few days still too much in shock of what happened. Your only reason for living was now gone and you didn't know what to do now. 

Eventually you left the house after about a week. You weren't the same though you had shut down unable to deal with what happened. You didn't respond when people talked to you, you didn't interact with anyone, you didn't feel sad or angry anymore since it was easier to feel nothing. 

People understood that you didn't want to talk to them and they stopped bugging you. All you did for the next month was go to work and go straight home. That was your new routine.

It was broken though one night when you heard a light knock on your door. It almost made you jump and you hesitated in opening it. You thought everyone had given up trying to get through to you.

You were surprised to see Maggie at the door holding a bottle of wine.

"Hey I know you haven't been too well lately but I was hoping I could keep you company for a night?" Maggie asked quietly. 

She paused for a few seconds waiting for some reaction from you.

"I completely understand if still aren't feeling up to talking to people right now it's just I know what it feels like to lose a sibling." She says after waiting.

You still don't say anything but you move out of the doorway to let her in.

She seems surprised but a smile quickly replaces the shocked look on her face as she steps in.

"I don't know if you drink or not but I brought this over anyways hoping it'll help you talk or just at least forget things for a night ya know." She said holding up the wine bottle

You never really liked alcohol especially wine but you still headed into the kitchen to get two glasses for you and her. You didn't know if you'd talk but you definitely wanted to just forget things even if it was only for a night. All that ever played in your head now was your brother's death. 

You headed back into the living room and sat the glasses on the coffee table while sitting down next to Maggie.

You kept downing glass after glass hoping to get as drunk as possible. You listened as Maggie started telling you about her family and about losing her sister Beth. It was just her talking for a while before she ran out of things to say and hoping that'd you try to talk to her. She was about to leave when you began to cry.

"I couldn't save him," you said as tears silently rolled down your face.

"I couldn't save him. All I could do was watch as they ripped him apart and listen to him scream for help."

Maggie didn't know what to say. She just stood by the couch watching and listening.

"I was supposed to protect him. I was supposed to look out for him." You started sobbing at this point unable to keep it in any longer.

"I was should've said no. I shouldn't have let him come along it's all my fault." Your head dropped into your hands.

Maggie came to sit by you at this point placing an arm around you trying to comfort you.

"The only person I had left in this world and now he's gone and it's all my fault. He was the only thing that kept me going in this piece of shit world!" You just kept sobbing as Maggie held you.

You didn't say anything else you just kept crying into her arms for who knows how long. She never complained though she held you until you were able to finally stop crying. You were too exhausted to keep crying.

"Thank you for coming over Maggie it felt good to finally talk to someone again especially someone that would understand." You said to her. She smiled in response.

"I'm always here if you need to talk to someone (Y/N). Don't be a stranger now though okay?" Maggie said while standing up.

You walked her to the door and you both told each other good night.

It felt good to talk but it brought too many emotions back up. You kept thinking of how it was your fault and how you had no reason to be here anymore. You put the dirty glasses in the sink while you were starting to cry again. You didn't want to be here anymore. You took a knife out of the drawer and contemplated about ending it. 

'No more suffering' you thought. 

You held the knife in your hand for several minutes while your thoughts raced through your brain. You were alone in this world now and you didn't want to be. What was the point now?

You kept thinking and crying for a while before deciding to put the knife back and head to bed.


	2. Nice Night for a Watch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl comforts you after a bad night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter two I'll try and get chapter 3 up soon

About three months had passed since your brother's death. You were still slowly dealing from it. There wasn't much time to grieve in this new world anymore. At least that's what you used to believe. You never even had time to grieve for your parents when you lost them. You were too focused on surviving and protecting your brother. Now all you had was time though.

Deanna had switched you from being a supply runner to taking more watch positions since you didn't really talk still. You were happy about it honestly it was a lot easier on you. You hated how everyone tiptoed around you and just gave you sorry glances. The only people who treated you normal and the only ones you really talked to you were Maggie and Daryl.

Maggie was your go to friend now that you'd vent to or ask to come over when the house felt too lonely. Daryl's friendship surprised you since he was usually a pretty cold person. He still wasn't too talkative around you but he wasn't as cold as he was to the other people in Alexandria that weren't part of his original group. You liked it though to have company without being expected to talk or being uncomfortable because they would just feel sorry and sad for you. You can also relate to him since you both have no family left.

Your favorite nights though we're when he'd join you while you were on watch or gate duty. He always made the stupidest jokes around you but you still found them funny. Sometimes you'd guys talk about your favorite kills since the outbreak or your closest calls.

Tonight though you were hoping you would be alone. You don't know why but your brother's death was hitting you hard tonight. You thought these days had stopped. Your eyes started watering as the memories of him kept replaying in your head.

Then you heard a familiar voice stir you from your thoughts.

“Hey sunshine mind if I join you?” Daryl asked.

He didn't wait for an answer before he started climbing up.

You hurried to wipe your tears away so he wouldn't notice you were crying.

“Nice night for a watch ain't it?” He said looking up at the sky.

You looked up too but didn't respond.

You started to remember the days when your family would go camping in summer. You and your brother's favorite thing to do was to watch the stars. Your eyes started watering up again and this time Daryl noticed.

“Hey what's wrong (Y/N)?” He asked a look of worry across his face.

You just shook your head and wiped your tears away.

“Did something happen? Did someone hurt you? 'cuz I ain't afraid to fu-” you cut him off.

“No nothing happened. It's just…does it ever get easier to deal with? Losing the people closest to you?” You asked as tears started rolling down your face again.

He paused for a few seconds not really knowing how to respond.

“After a while yeah I guess. It never stops hurting though just becomes more tolerable. Hell I wasn't even that close to my family even my brother was an asshole and shit still hurts.” He said as he stared at the ground.

You could tell he was upset now too which made you feel worse.

“Hey I'm sorry I didn't mean to bring stuff up I'm just not having a very good night. I can't stop thinking about my brother.” You said as you started to quietly sob.

“Nah it's okay. I know I'm not much of a talker but it's good to talk when you're going through hard times. And although I lost my blood family I gained a new family along the way, ones that actually give a shit about me too.” He chuckled towards the end.

“It's gonna be real shitty for a while not gonna lie but it helps a lot to bring new people into your life to help make things less shitty.” He told you as he patted your thigh.

You couldn't help but notice the butterflies in your stomach that appeared as he touched you. You also realized that's the first time you guys have actually had physical contact. Although what do you expect when you both keep to yourselves so much.

You hadn't realized you had just been staring at his hand on your thigh not saying anything until Daryl spoke up.

“Uh I'm sorry if that made you uncomfortable I didn't mean to-,” he started saying while pulling his hand away before you cut him off.

“Oh no..I just..I spaced out there for a few seconds is all…” you rambled as you started to blush.

You were both quiet for a while after that. You noticed Gabriel coming over to take over your shift and sighed while your face dropped.

Daryl shifted his gaze to where you were staring to see what made you upset again all of a sudden.

“You don't like Gabriel?” He asked when he realized that's what you were staring at.

“No it's just now I have to go home…” you answered quietly.

“What's the matter with that? You got a big nice house all to yourself. Can sleep peacefully without anyone bugging ya.” He said while looking at one of his knives.

“That's the problem it's just me now.” You told him before climbing down and heading home.

Gabriel tried waving at you as you passed him but you ignored him not really in the mood for even pretending to be happy.

You made it back home and went to curl up on the couch. Somehow sleeping in the living room made you feel less lonely. You curled up with your brother's favorite blanket as you started crying yourself to sleep.

You were almost asleep when you heard a light knock on your door. You got up to open up while letting out an annoyed sigh. 

Who the hell is here in the middle of the night? You thought to yourself

You were surprised to see Daryl standing on your porch once you opened the door. His face dropped when he could see you had been crying again.

“Daryl? Uhm hi did you need something?” You said while wiping the tears off your face from earlier.

“I was just thinking about what you had said earlier and figured you might want some company,” he said quietly “but I understand if you want me to go.” He rushed out the last part.

“No, no it's fine come in.” You said as you moved out of the doorway.

He followed you into the living room as you sat down on the couch and moved the blanket and pillow out of the way.

“Were you sleeping out here?” He asked as he watched you move your stuff.

“Yeah it helps me feel less lonely I don't really know why though” you answered as you sat down holding onto your brother's blanket still.

“This was his favorite blanket..it even still smells like him.” You said as you started to choke up again.

Daryl pulled you closer to him and held you as you started sobbing. You had your head on chest as he rubbed your back and let you cry. You tried focusing on his heartbeat to calm yourself down without realizing it was also putting you to sleep.

Daryl stayed with you like that for a while before he started to get tired himself.

“Hey (Y/N) I think I better head back home now okay sunshine.” He said not realizing you were asleep.

When he saw how peacefully you were sleeping he couldn't bring himself to move you instead just pulling the blanket up on both you and falling asleep there with you.


	3. Teasing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapters a little shorter but if I added everything I wanted to it'd be way too long. Also in this fic Daryl actually showers and doesnt smell like a swamp monster

You were awoken by the sunlight shining in your eyes. You hadn't slept that well since you first got to Alexandria. You went to stretch when you realized you were still laying on Daryl. You thought he would've left after you fell asleep. 

You desperately had to get up and go bathroom but Daryl was so warm and he smelled so nice like a mixture of leather and burned wood. Plus laying on him brought back the butterflies in your stomach. Although if you didn't get up soon you were gonna wet your pants.

You carefully tried to get up without disturbing him. He looked so peaceful sleeping you didn't want to bother him. You put the blanket back over him before sprinting to the bathroom. You figured you should take a shower before you headed down to the pantry to get some more food for breakfast.

You had just finished getting dressed and we're heading out the door and noticed Daryl was still sleeping so made sure to close the door quietly.

As you were headed towards the pantry you ran into Maggie.

“Hey (Y/N) have you seen Daryl? Aiden's looking for him they're supposed to go on a run today.” She said while jogging up to you.

“Uh yeah he fell asleep at my place last night he's still sleeping I didn't wanna wake him.” You said while gesturing towards your house.

A smirk grew across Maggie's face as she listened to you.

“Oh he fell asleep at your place? You must've really tired him out.” She said as she wiggled her eyebrows at you.

“No it's not like that he was just helping me feel better.” You explained as a blush spread across your face.

“Oh yeah I bet he made you feel a lot better.” she said with a wink.

You felt your face grow hotter as you started laughing nervously.

“Well I'll go see if I can wake him up.” She laughed before running off to your house.

You couldn't believe her insinuation at you and Daryl hooking up. I mean you liked him but you were pretty sure he was not interested in you like that at all. Especially with the age difference he probably still saw you as a kid anyway. 

You sighed at the thought if it never being able to work out with you and Daryl as you continued on your way to the pantry.

Maggie made her way up the steps to your house and shouted as she opened the door.

“Hey Daryl rise and shine! You and Aiden got a run today!” 

Daryl let out a grown from the living room as he stretched and got up.

“What the fuck you yelling for?” He said as he turned towards Maggie.

“Have a good night sleep huh?” She said as she leaned against the wall a huge grin spread across her face.

“What's with the smile?” He asked as he started towards the door.

“I just think it's interesting you fell asleep at (Y/N)'s. Especially since y'all always hang out so much. I kept wondering when it was gonna happen you've had your eyes on her since she got here.”

“We didn't do nothing and I have no idea what you're talking about she's just a kid anyways.” He said trying to hide the blush that was appearing on his face as he headed out the door.

“Yeah sure you don't.” Maggie teased as she followed him out.

You were on watch again when Daryl and Aiden finally returned from their run. The sun was barely starting to set. Your favorite time of day. You loved the colors in the sky. You were pulled out of your thoughts from yelling below.

“Hey girly mind if I join ya.” Daryl yelled as he made his way up.

You smiled as Daryl sat across from you.

“What're you up to anything interesting happen today?” He asked as he started looking at one of his knives.

“No not much I was just watching the sunset. They're so pretty in the summer.” You said still staring at the horizon.

“How was your run today get any good kills?” You said shifting your gaze back to him.

“Yeah got two in the head at the same time today. Also saved Aiden's ass when he went into the store without making sure the entrance was clear. Walker almost got him right as he went in.” Daryl shook his head as he told you the last part.

“Jesus he's an idiot.” You said as you rolled your eyes.

“Ya know what I miss about the old world? Being able to kick back with a beer after a long day.” He said as he stared off.

You thought for a minute and remembered all those half empty wine bottles Maggie always brought over when she visited you

“Well I don't have beer but I have some wine back at home if you wanna come over. My shifts over anyways.” You gestured to Sasha who was making her way over to you.

“Well that sounds like a plan to me sunshine.” He smiled as he followed you down and to your house.


	4. Drunken Bruises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoy this chapter

You guys had made your way through 8 half bottles of wine in about an hour and they were starting to have an affect on the both of you. You were in the middle of telling Daryl a story of when Maggie got too drunk one night at your house.

“But she couldn't even stand to go to the bathroom we kept laughing so much every time she fell down. I tried to help her but I was too drunk and we just kept falling over each other. Remember that giant bruise on her arm?” You said while laughing after almost every word.

“That's how she got that she said she scared you one night and you hit her” Daryl said trying to hold back his laughter.

“Nope it's because she kept falling that night.” You laughed even harder remembering that night with her.

God you could barely breathe you both had been laughing so much. You hadn't laughed this hard since...you couldn't even remember when it had been so long. It felt so nice to be this happy even if it was only temporary and because you were drunk.

Daryl loved the way you looked when you laughed. You seemed so happy and carefree like nothing in the world could bring you down. It was the best thing he had ever heard and it was so contagious. He wished it was always like this with you two. He wished he could just stay in this moment forever with you.

“Oh my God I remember the time Maggie was trying to teach me how to dance before one of Deanna's parties,” you started laughing again “we were so drunk though we kept stepping on each other and crashing into the furniture. I don't even remember anything she was trying to teach me.” You fell backwards on the couch you're face completely red from laughing so hard.

“I could teach you to dance if you want. I'm not extremely good but I know how to slow dance.” Daryl said to you trying to control his own laughter. 

“Ok let's try it just don't step on me.” You said while trying to stand up.

You put on a slow oldie cd. Your favorite music to dance to.

Daryl stood up and put his left hand on your waist and took your other hand in his right. You both started dancing to the music mainly just kinda swaying back and forth you were honestly surprised you could still stand. It was going well until he tried to twirl you. You started laughing as you lost your balance and he caught you before you fell over. He was laughing too as he held you to his chest.

“God if Maggie could see us now.” You said still laughing.

“What do you mean?” Daryl asked as he looked down at you.

“Nothing she's just always teasing me about you because we hang out a lot. God yesterday I ran into her and told her how you fell asleep here and she thought we had hooked up. She's not gonna let that go for weeks.” You chuckled towards the end of your explanation.

“I'm always trying to tell her though that it's not like that because you only see me as a friend. I need some water you want some?” You said as you made your way to the kitchen.

Daryl was surprised at how nonchalant you seemed through your explanation. What did you mean by HE only saw you as a friend? Did you not see him as just a friend?

You hadn't realized Daryl had followed you into the kitchen you jumped when you turned around and he was right behind you basically pinning you between him and the counter.

“Jeez you scared me I could've just brought you your water ya know.” You said laughing a bit.

“What did you mean by I only see you as a friend?” Daryl asked you.

“Nothing just that were friends right?” You were starting to get confused and a little turned on by how close Daryl was to you. You could feel your pulse start to pick up.

“Well then why didn't you say that you just see me as a friend?” He asked raising an eyebrow and leaning closer to your face.

You didn't have an answer to give him. You felt your face growing hotter.

“Unless you meant that you were interested in me as more than a friend?”

You could feel his breath hit your face as you stared into his eyes. You could see the lust pooling in them.

“So am I right girly?” He asked as his eyes moved to your tank top. He moved his hand to hold your jaw.

“Answer me.” He demanded as he held your face close to his.

God he was fully pressed against you know you could feel the outline of his dick through his jeans. You had practically soaked through your own pants by now you were so wet.

All you could mutter out was a small “yes”.

With that he lifted you onto the counter by your neck and pulled your chin down as he started kissing you roughly. He yanked your tank top over your head in no time. He started kissing you down your neck and to your chest before he took your bra off and took one nipple in his mouth as he pinched the other. You threw your head back at the sudden stimulation and let out a moan. He stopped for a moment as he pulled you back off the counter and started sucking on your neck. He shoved his hand down the front of your pants and started rubbing your clit he groaned when he felt how you wet you were.

“My God girl you are soaked.” He said before kissing you again.

You could feel him undoing the button on your jeans before he pushed them down so he could grab your ass. You kicked them off as they fell to the floor. He started grinding against you and you could feel his cock again through his jeans. You wanted it in you so bad. You started undoing his pants before he stopped you.

“Hold on Missy we'll get there I want to take my time with you first. You have no idea how long I've wanted this.” He dropped down as he slid your underwear off. He started kissing your inner thigh teasing you and making you even wetter. You could feel your wetness start to run down your thighs as he left hickeys leading up to your pussy. He was so close before he suddenly lifted you up onto his shoulders and leaned you against the wall. He ran his tongue all the up your slit. He stopped at your clit and started sucking on it as he pushed two fingers inside you. You couldn't control yourself. You wound your hands in his hair as you kept screaming from the pleasure. You could feel the tightness growing in your stomach and knew you weren't gonna last much longer.

“Oh God Daryl I'm gonna cum if you don't stop.” You yelled at him.

“Good cum for me then.” He said picking up the pace of his fingers and curling them into a come hither motion.

You couldn't hold on anymore after that and had the best orgasm of your life. Daryl kept eating you out through your high and waited for you to calm down. He let you back down before quickly bending you over the counter and pinning your hands behind your back.

“Now it's my turn” he growled into your ear.

He pulled his cock out and run it up and down your slit a few times before lining it up with you.

“You ready girly?” He asked as he hesitated at your entrance.

“Yes please!” You said out of breath

With that he thrusted his full length in you. Jesus Christ he was huge. He let you adjust for a minute before pounding into you. He was so rough but you loved it. You were sure your legs were gonna be bruised in the morning. Suddenly he grabbed a handful of your hair and pulled your head back.

“You like this don't you? Being fucked senseless in your kitchen? You love my cock slamming into you huh? Tell me you love me fucking you.” He growled into your ear.

“I love you fucking me.” You replied still out of breath

“Louder.” He demanded.

“I love you fucking me!” You yelled.

“Good girl.” He said as he let go of your hair.

“You gonna cum for me again?” He asked as his hand moved around the front of you and he started playing with your clit.

The sudden sensation made you twitch as you were still sensitive from your first orgasm. You quickly relaxed and started moaning as he continued. It didn't take long for the familiar tightness to start building up. Daryl could feel you were close.

“C'mon cum for me baby.” He was starting to get out of breath as he picked up his speed.

You came as he started going faster and your walls tightening around him sent him over the edge as well. He slowed his thrusts as he spilled inside of you, grunting, and squeezing your wrists together even tighter. He let go of your wrists and you both took a few minutes to catch your breath. You could barely stand you were so exhausted.

Daryl noticed and lifted you up and carried you to your room. You both laid on your bed as he held you close to him.

“God you have no idea how long I've wanted to do that (Y/N).” He said while playing with your hair.

“I'm just glad you finally did.” You said as you snuggled closer to him.

“Me too sunshine.” He replied.

“God wait till Maggie hears about this.” You said as you both started laughing before falling asleep.


End file.
